Although I have no plans to launch my own personal Internet scam or questionable direct marketing scheme, I can't help but be interested in how they work.

As someone who has won several millions of unclaimed dollars in the Internet lottery and been identified as the next of kin for people from all over the world, I wonder how these people are finding sufficient success with these ploys.

I don't want to tell other people how to do their jobs, but it seems they would have better success by adjusting their approach.

For example, one measure of success seems to be getting people to click on an attachment. If you do this, this attachment will allow someone to enter into your computer. I have no idea how this works. However, I can tell you that simply misspelling the word Viagra isn't going to convince me to click on your attachment.

From what I've heard Viagra is prescription medicine directed at a very specific medical condition. Yet among those who practice Internet scams, it seems to be a widespread belief that just the mere mention of the word is enough to get any computer user salivating. Personally, I think they would have better luck with something like “Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Haagen-Dazs.”

Then there are the sob stories where they try to convince you to give out your bank account number so that they can send you a large sum of money. Once again, they're a little too dramatic and most of them are full of bizarre mistranslations, “My darlingest most dear and lovely platonic collegiate…” My favourite is when they borrow your name from your email address: “Editor, when I saw your name I couldn't believe it. Are you really my long lost cousin, my dear Editor, who I thought I would never see again?”

In any case, I don't why people feel they have to take part in Internet scams in this economy. I've been offered a-half dozen jobs this week alone for which I didn't even have to apply. All they need is a major credit card number and I'm hired!