Monday July 28, 2014





Rothenburger: No joy in the 'Loops without Ajax Xmas

How the year speeds by. Suddenly, it’s time for the annual pre-Christmas meeting of Frootloops council. However, on this day, when joy should flood the land and bathe all Frootopians in a yuletide of goodwill, His Wordiness Peter Minibar is nowhere to be seen.

DEPUTY MAYOR KEN CHRISTMAS: I’ll be running the meeting today so let’s come to order.

COUN. TINY BUBBLES: How can we possibly plan our annual Christmas party without His Warship?

CHRISTMAS: His Warpspeed left me a lecture I’m supposed to read to you but I’ll dispense with the long version. Basically, he declares a conflict of interest on anything to do with our Christmas party because it might include the sale or purchase of Christmas spirits. He also doesn’t want us to talk about downtown parking, bears named Clover, households with three dogs, or, most of all, Ajax. That includes mines and household cleansers.

COUN.  ARJUN SINGALONG: What about the gift exchange, Your Deputy Wordsmith? I loved it last year when Coun. Poinsettia gave me the gift of the gab — I use it all the time.

COUN. NELLY KEENER: We could sing carols at my house instead!

COUN. MARG POINSETTIA: Did you say carriage house? Your Deputy Wordmonger, I must declare a conflict of interest on this matter and go to the coffee room immediately. You’ll have to make any difficult decisions without me.

CHRISTMAS: Uh, Coun. Keener said carols at her house, not carriage house.

POINSETTIA: I hummed “Santa Claus is Coming to Town” after we passed our last budget. Does that put me in a conflict?

DAVID TRALALALALA: Your Deputy Flagship, through to Coun. Poinsettia, it would depend on whether it was spontaneous or pre-planned, whether it was in the shower or on your sundeck.

POINSETTIA: I’m not taking any chances. I’ll be enjoying a hot chocolate from our new K-cup machine in the secretary’s office.

COUN. DONOVAN GREENSLEEVES: I’d better leave, too. I once sang “Organic Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire.”

COUN. TINA TINSEL: Sorry, Mr. Deputy Workhorse, I best excuse myself as well. I never roasted chestnuts in the restaurant I used to run, but there was a small fire in the kitchen one time. The furnace broke down and I didn’t want to buy a new one. I was trying to warm the place up.

COUN. PAT WASSAIL: Your Deputy Worrywart, I move we ask Mayor Minibar to un-declare his conflict and come back. There’ll be lots of other chances for him to declare a conflict. Besides, if we can’t talk about Ajax, there’s no point in even having a meeting.

BUBBLES: Now you’ve done it. I’m going to have to declare a conflict of interest since I once owned shares in a company beginning with the letter A.

TRALALALALA: Your Deputy Wingding, through to yourself, fun and games director Byron McSnorkel, director of spending Sally Audit and I can’t work under these conditions due to the fact it’s boring and it’s after
3 o’clock so we’re going home.

CHRISTMAS: Well, that kills our quorum. Merry Christmas.

SINGALONG: Does this mean the gift exchange is off?

armchairmayor@gmail.com


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