Let's begin with a tweet from Allan Maki of The Globe and Mail: "Lance Armstrong is apologizing, but not for the NHL lockout." . . . Headline at TheOnion.com: Lance Armstrong admits to using performance-enhancing drugs to show remorse. . . . We get Lance Armstrong in Oprah's confessional and Manti Te'o with the invisible gal pal, and we get it all in what was the most bizarre week in sports since the Tonya Harding Gang kneecapped Nancy Kerrigan. . . . Makes you wonder what's in store for the rest of 2013. . . .
"Millions of Hindus plunged into the Ganges River in an annual ritual that they believe will wash away their sins," writes Richmond blogger TC Chong. "In related news, Lance Armstrong went on Oprah's show." . . . You knew a minor league baseball team or two would be all over the Te'o story. Well, the Florence, Ky., Freedom has scheduled Manti Te'o Girlfriend Bobblehead Night for May 23. Each of the first 1,000 fans to arrive will receive an empty box. There also will be a section set aside for fans to sit with their "imaginary friends, girlfriends/boyfriends or spouses." . . .
"A golfer at a course in West Palm Beach, Fla., used a GPS app to find his iPhone," writes Ian Hamilton of the Regina Leader-Post, "which had been stolen by a raccoon. The animal made a silly mistake; it was just out looking for blackberries." . . . Headline at Fark.com: "Mark Cuban joins board of consumer data firm / Needed second job to pay NBA fines." . . . A couple of weeks ago, Conan O'Brien said he wasn't planning to watch the BCS title game between Notre Dame and Alabama. Why not? "I was home for the holidays," O'Brien explained, "so I've had quite enough of the Fighting Irish." . . .
In the Vancouver Sun a week ago, Bruce Allen, one of the best-known music managers in the business, was talking about two of his friends - Dallas Stars owner Tom Gaglardi and the just-fired Brian Burke. "I've already contacted my pal Tom Gaglardi," Allen said, "and suggested he hire Brian as a front-man to get hockey on the sports pages down there. He could sell the game better than anyone I know in a market that needs help." . . . Gotta think Dallas general manager Joe Nieuwendyk is really excited about the possibility of Burke looking over his shoulder. . . . Reader Phil Carlucci, in a letter to the New York Post: "What makes the universally positive treatment (and Roger Goodell's field-hug) of Ray Lewis even more puzzling is the pleasure that many people have taken in the struggles of Tim Tebow, someone who hasn't done much wrong other than being a popular college player and a humanitarian." . . .
Remember the 2010 Olympic Winter Games? Yes, they were held in Vancouver and Whistler. Vancouver-based journalist Bob Mackin has written Red Mittens & Red Ink -- The Vancouver Olympics, and you really should give this a read. If you wonder at all about where your tax dollars went and whose backs got scratched, you will want to read this book. I was able to get my hands on a Kindle version from www.smashwords.com. . . . Sheesh, wasn't it nice of all those NHL teams to open practices to the public after sticking it to them with a four-month lockout? . . . And some of them even threw in a hotdog and a pop for only $3. Gee, does it get any better than that? . . . The NHL has trotted out the slogan "#hockeyisback" which is about as arrogant as you can get because hockey didn't go anywhere while the NHL was away. . . .
Things are looking up in Montreal, according to Jack Todd, who writes in the Gazette: "There is cause for joy in Mudville. . . . The Canadiens are back. (Scott) Gomez is gone and so is that pint-sized bottle of vinegar, Pierre Gauthier. Not only is Gauthier out of the picture but Bergevin, his replacement, is as sunny as Gauthier is sour." . . . More from Todd: "Here's our resolution for the next lockout: Don't read a single email from disgruntled fans who swear they'll never buy another NHL jockstrap, much less tickets, beer, jerseys, etc. They rage, they curse, they foam at the mouth - and they come running back like lemmings the instant the wickets open. No wonder Gary Bettman thinks he can get away with it: He can." . . .
"Can you believe everybody cast their ballots and nobody got voted into the Baseball Hall of Fame?" writes Mike Bianchi of the Orlando Sentinel. "Hey, that sounds like a Florida election!" . . . A Wednesday tweet from columnist Cam Cole of the Vancouver Sun: "Still unsure what 'Our Team Our Way' banner #Canucks unveiled at practice this a.m. means. Like Jodie Foster speech. Needs subtitles." . . . "In his Bears interview," tweets Dave Hodge of TSN, "Marc Trestman was asked if he prefers 11 or 12 men on the field and he said either is fine, but 13 is the best." . . . Whatever Trestman said it worked, because the Montreal Alouettes' head coach signed with the NFL's Chicago Bears this week.
(Gregg Drinnan is sports editor of The Daily News. He is at firstname.lastname@example.org, gdrinnan.blogspot.com and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears Saturdays, except when it doesn't.)