Thursday April 17, 2014





ROTHENBURGER: Frootloops lawmakers plan big for 2014

Armchair Mayor

Soon it will be the New Year, and members of Frootloops council meet to brainstorm about what amusing tricks and pranks they can play on unsuspecting Frootopians in 2014.

Mayor Peter Muesli chortles as he sits down in his big chair. He's in a good mood.

MAYOR MUESLI: I trust we all had a happy Christmas and found good things under the tree and all that. Normally we'd take time off until January but it's important we're clear on priorities for next year.

COUN. PAT WEETABIX: I don't see how we could possibly beat this year's stuff, Your Wheatgerm. The parking-meter thing was brilliant!

COUN. KEN CRISPIX: No kidding! Have you seen the lineups, and everybody trying to figure out how they work?

COUN. NELLY DONUTS: Whose idea was it to put three different sets of instructions on those things, all saying something different? Genius!

COUN. ARJUN SHREDDIES: The best part was putting those tiny little screens so low they have to get down on their hands and knees to pay their money! Hilarious!

COUN. DONOVAN CORNPOPS: My favourite practical joke was hiding the trees from in front of the hospital! When are we putting them back?

MAYOR MUESLI: Uh, we aren't putting them back. They were chain sawed.

CORNPOPS: But you said they were being moved to a nice farm in the country.

MUESLI: I just told you that so you wouldn't whine about it.

CORNPOPS: Well, that certainly frosts my mini-wheats.

COUN. WEETABIX: His Waffleship is right. We've gotta come up with something new.

COUN. NANCY BRANFLAKES: How about we raise the parking rates?

DAVE TWINKIES (Chief Poptart): Your Oatmeal, through to Coun. Branflakes, we've already done that.

BRANFLAKES: Then let's do it again!!

DONUTS: No, wait, I've got it! We could give ourselves a big fat pay raise! That always gets 'm going!

TWINKIES: Done it.

BRANFLAKES: Let's do it again!

COUN. CRISPIX: iPads?

TWINKIES: Done it.

COUN. MARG PANINI: Smartphones?

MUESLI: We're getting stale, folks. We need some fresh ideas. Think!

BRANFLAKES: It's not easy, Your Casserole. The one about Alpha Bits Mining wanting to dig a humongous hole right on city limits was good - lots of people still believe that one!

COUN. TINA GRANOLA: I never thought it was very funny.

CRISPIX: We need something even more outrageous this time.

PANINI: What if we said we're gonna build a new performing arts centre?

MUESLI: Hold it right there - I happen to think that's not such a bad idea.

PANINI: Yeah, but we could say we're gonna do it right now, and that we're gonna build it on the North Shore, and that we have to raise taxes to pay for it. Then we could hold a referendum, and do what we want anyway!!

DONUTS: How about this? Remember the parkade joke we pulled a couple years back? What if we say we've listened to the complaints about the new meters, and the only way to solve it is to tear down Stuart Dagwood School and put up a new parking lot but parking will be free!

WEETABIX: It's still not as good as the parking kiosks.

MUESLI: Nothing's that good, but let's admit it - we're not perfect. Let's think it over during New Year's and talk about it some more next year. Meeting adjourned!

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